F-18 O UberBug

by Leigh Eaton

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Silly Week 2006

 

The Green Hornet

In 1945 the British managed to snatch infamous German geneticist Baron Werner Von Frankenhiemer from Berlin before the Russians. Keen to exploit his pioneering work in mixing organic beings with machines, he was offered a lock up garage in East Grinstead, a staff of Jack Russells and as many Green shield stamps as he could carry. The Baron’s team had found it possible to utilize the inherent characteristics of animals and produce cyborg warplanes. The team toiled on through the sixties with modest successes. The Jaguar, Lynx and Puma "O" (organic) variants were capable of incredible bursts of speed for short periods then insisted on napping for the rest of the day, the plug was finally pulled after the Farnborough air show when the only maneuvre the Red Arrows could perform in their new Gnat-Os was to chase each other around in dizzying circles while the group as a whole meandered aimlessly above the airfield. The Soviets too had also halted their organic program after their MIG 15s kept rear ending each other.

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The Americans always keen to pour good money after bad enticed Von Frankenhiemer , with an offer of a condo in Phoenix, lifetime supply of big macs and pepsi and a pick up truck. With renewed enthusiasm and a greater budget the Baron made leaps and bounds in his work. After his F15-O and F16-O proved to be outstanding fighters but were easily distracted from their targets to swoop down on fields and snatch up small mammals, it was decided to concentrate on strictly Naval fighters The F14-O proved to be an exceptional in the air superiority role but was known to attack other members of it’s own squadron and had an alarming habit of backing up to the carrier superstructure and dumping it’s fuel. Finally an effective operational plane came in the form of the F18-O. Although armed with a rearward firing barbed Stinger II missile it’s major weapon is psychological, just the sight of an "Uberbug" can have grown men flailing their arms in the air and screaming like girls "keep it away, keep it away". It’s only drawback being if flown over land has a habit of harassing picnic sites and jam factories.

Leigh

Photos and text © by Leigh Eaton