--------------------------- 
Tuesday Feb 23 2010

A new kind of Chain Letter
This chain letter was started in hopes of bringing relief to other tired and discouraged men. Unlike most chain letters, this one does not cost anything.

Just send a copy of this letter to five of your friends who are equally tired and discontented. Then bundle up your wife or girlfriend and send her to the man whose name appears at the top of the list, and add your name to the bottom of the list.

When your turn comes, you will receive 15,625 women. One of them is bound to be better than the one you already have. At the writing of this letter, a friend of mine had already received 184 women, 4 of whom were worth keeping.

REMEMBER ---- this chain brings luck. One man's pit bull died, but the next day he received a Sports Illustrated swimsuit model. An unmarried Jewish man living with his widowed mother was able to choose between a liquor store owner and a nymphomaniac. One man even got a woman who owns her own boat and likes to clean fish!

You can be lucky too, but DO NOT BREAK THE CHAIN! One man broke the chain and got his own wife back again. 
End letter

--------------------------- 
Monday Feb 22 2010

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand :

1. OTHER WOMEN

--------------------------- 
Friday Feb 19 2010

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? 

---------------------------------

Why do you have to "put your two cents in".. . but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?

--------------------------- 
Thursday Feb 18 2010

Three old guys are out walking. 
First one says, "Windy, isn't it?" 
Second one says, "No, its Thursday!" 
Third one says, "So am I. Let's go get a beer."

--------------------------- 
Wednesday Feb 17 2010

A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: "So I hear you're getting married?" 
"Yep!" 
"Do I know her?" 
"Nope!" 
"This woman, is she good looking?" 
"Not really." 
"Is she a good cook?" 
"Naw, she can't cook too well." 
"Does she have lots of money?" 
"Nope! Poor as a church mouse." 
"Well then, is she good in bed?" 
"I don't know." 
"Why in the world do you want to marry her then?" 
"Because she can still drive!"

--------------------------- 
Tuesday Feb 16 2010

A PILOT'S LIFE

22 years old. Graduated from college. Go to  military flight school.  Become hot shot fighter pilot. Get  married.

25 years old. Have 1st kid. Now hotshot fighter jock getting  shot at in war. Just want to get back to USA in one piece. Get back to USA as primary flight instructor pilot. Get bored. Volunteer for war  again.

29 years old. Get back from war all tuckered out. Want out of  military.

30 years old. Join airline. World is your oyster.

31  years old. Buy flashy car, house and lots of toys. Get over the military  poverty feeling.

32 years old. Divorce boring 1st wife. Pay child support  and maintenance. Drink lots of booze and screw around while looking for 2nd wife.

33 years old. Furloughed. Join military reserve unit and fly  for fun.  Repeat above for a few more years.

35 years old. Airline  recall. More screwing around but looking forward to a good marriage and  settling down.

36 years old. Marry young spunky 25 year old virgin flight  attendant.

37 years old. Buy another house. Gave first one to first  wife.

38 years old. Give in to second wife to have more kids. Father  again.  Wife concerned about "risky" military Reserve flying so you resign commission.

39 years old. Now a captain. Hooray! Upgrade house, buy  boat, small single engine airplane and even flashier cars.

42 years  old. 2nd wife runs off with wealthy investment banker but still wants to  share house (100%).

43 years old. Settle with wife # 2 and resolve to  stay away from women forever. Seek a position as a check Captain for 10% pay override to pay mounting bills. Move into 1 bedroom apartment with window air conditioners.

44 years old. Company resizes and you're returned  to copilot status.  25% pay cut. Become simulator instructor for 10% override  pay.

49 years old. Captain again. Move into 2-bedroom luxury  apartment with central air conditioning.

50 years old. Meet sexy  Danish model on International trip. She loves you and says you are very  "beeeeg!"

51 years old. Marry sexy Danish model for wife #3. Buy big  house, boat, twin engine airplane and upgrade cars.

52 years old.  Sexy model wants kids (not again). Resolve to get vasectomy.

54 years  old. Try to talk wife out of kids, but presto, she's pregnant.  She says she  got sick after taking the pill. Accident, sorry, won't happen  again.

55 years old. Father of triplets.

56 years old. Wife #3  wants very big house, bigger boat and very flashy cars, "worried" about your  private flying and wants you to sell twin engine airplane. You give in. You  buy a motorcycle and join motorcycle  club.

57 years old. Make rash  investments to try and have enough money for retirement.

59 years  old. Lose money on rash investment and get audited by the IRS.  You have to  fly 100% International night trips just to keep up with child support and  alimony to wife #1 and #2.

60 years old. Wife #3 (sexy model) says you're  too damned old and no fun. She leaves. She takes most of your assets. You're  forced to retire due to age 60 rule. No money left.

61 years old. Now  Captain on a non-schedule South American 727 freight outfit and living in a  non-air conditioned studio apartment directly underneath the final approach  to runway 9 at Miami Int'l. You have "interesting" Hispanic neighbors who  ask you if you've ever flown DC-3's.

65 years old. Lose FAA medical  and get job as sim instructor. Don't look forward to years of getting up at  2 AM for 3 AM sim in every god-forsaken town you train in due to the fact  your carrier can find cheap, off-hours sim time at various Brand X  Airlines.

70 years old. Hotel alarm clock set by previous FedEx  crewmember goes off at 1:00AM. Have heart attack and die with smile on face.  Happy at last!

--------------------------- 
Monday Feb 15 2010

A woman got on a bus holding a baby. The bus driver said, 'That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen.'  In a huff, the woman slammed her fare into the fare box and took an aisle seat near the rear of the bus. The man seated next to her sensed that she was agitated and asked her what was wrong.  'The bus driver insulted me.' she fumed.  The man sympathized and said: 'Why, he's a public servant and shouldn't say things to insult passengers.'  'You're right.' She said. 'I think I'll go back up there and give him a piece of my mind.'  'That's a good idea,' the man said. 'Here, let me hold your monkey.'

--------------------------- 
Friday Feb 12 2010

CHILLI COOK-OFFS

 NOTE: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is! They actually have a chilli cook-off about the time the rodeo comes to town. It takes up a major portion of the parking lot at the Astrodome!


INEXPERIENCED CHILLI TASTER

Notes from an inexperienced chilli tester named FRANK, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast: "Recently, I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a chilli cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon, when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (Native Texans) that the chilli wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I
accepted."

Here are the scorecards from the event:

 --------------------------
# 1 MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy sh*t, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.


--------------------------
# 2 ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Smokey, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: What the hell was I supposed to taste besides pain? I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.

--------------------------
CHILI # 3 FRED'S FAMOUS BURN DOWN THE BARN CHILI

JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse chilli! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless chilli, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

FRANK: Call the EPA, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the font part of my chest. I'm getting sh*t-faced from all the beer.

 ----------------
CHILI # 4 BUBBA'S BLACK MAGIC

JUDGE ONE: Black bean chilli with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a chilli.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burnout taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. bitch is starting to look HOT just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is chilli an aphrodisiac? 

-------------------
CHILI # 5 LINDA'S LEGAL LIP REMOVER

JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong chilli. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very Impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Chilli using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the
cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chilli had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks!

---------------------
CHILI # 6 VERA'S VERY VEGETARIAN VARIETY

JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety chilli. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic.
Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I sh*t on myself when I farted, and I worry it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Sally. She must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with an ice-cream cone!

---------------------
CHILI # 7 SUSAN'S SCREEMING SENSATION CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A mediocre chilli with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chilli peppers at the last moment. I should take note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a damn thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chilli which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like shit to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any
oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole In my stomach.

---------------------
CHILI # 8 LESTER'S LAST OF THE RED-HOT LOVER'S CHILI

JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend chilli, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced chilli. Neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the chilli pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot chilli?

--------------------------- 
Thursday Feb 11 2010

An 80-year-old woman was arrested for shoplifting. When she went before the judge he asked her, "What did you steal?" 

She replied: a can of peaches. 

The judge asked her why she had stolen them and she replied that she was hungry. 

The judge then asked her how many peaches were in the can. She replied 6. 

The judge then said, "I will give you 6 days in jail." 

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment the woman's husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something. 

He said, " What is it? " 

"She also stole a can of peas," the Husband said.

--------------------------- 
Wednesday Feb 10 2010

What happens when you give a lawyer Viagra??

He gets taller!

--------------------------- 
Tuesday Feb 9 2010

Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up to the very elderly widow and asked, "How old was your husband?"
"98," she replied. "Two years older than me."
"So you're 96," the undertaker commented.
She responded, "Hardly worth going home, is it?"

Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. She simply replied,
"No peer pressure."

The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.

I've sure gotten old! I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, new knees Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore.
Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thank God, I still have my driver's license.

I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my
leotards on, the class was over.

An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart.
"Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?"
"Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week."

My memory's not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.

Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.

It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.

These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."

Remember: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

--- THE SENILITY PRAYER : 
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

--------------------------- 
Monday Feb 8 2010

A Sad Passing ...
It is with the saddest heart that I must pass on the following news. Please join me in remembering a great icon of the entertainment community. 
The Pillsbury Doughboy died yesterday of a yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71. 
Doughboy was buried in a lightly greased coffin. 
Dozens of celebrities turned out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch. 
The grave site was piled high with flours.
Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy and lovingly described Doughboy as a man who never knew how much he was kneaded. 
Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a very smart cookie, wasting much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Despite being a little flaky at times he was still a crusty old man and was considered a roll model for millions.
Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play Dough, two children, John Dough and Jane Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly dad, Pop Tart. 
The funeral was held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

--------------------------- 
Friday Feb 5 2010

Pregnancy, Estrogen, and Women

PREGNANCY Q & A & more!

Q: Should I have a baby after 35?
A: No, 35 children is enough.

Q: I'm two months pregnant now. When will my baby move?
A: With any luck, right after he finishes college.

Q: What is the most reliable method to determine a baby's sex?
A: Childbirth.

Q: My wife is five months pregnant and so moody that sometimes she's borderline irrational.
A: So what's your question?

Q: My childbirth instructor says it's not pain I'll feel during labour, but pressure. Is she right?
A: Yes, in the same way that a tornado might be called an air current.

Q: When is the best time to get an epidural?
A: Right after you find out you're pregnant.

Q: Is there any reason I have to be in the delivery room while my wife is in labour?
A: Not unless the word "alimony" means anything to you.

Q: Is there anything I should avoid while recovering from childbirth?
A: Yes, pregnancy.

Q: Do I have to have a baby shower?
A: Not if you change the baby's diaper very quickly.

Q: Our baby was born last week. When will my wife begin to feel and act normal again?
A: When the kids are in college.

"ESTROGEN ISSUES"

10 WAYS TO KNOW IF YOU HAVE "ESTROGEN ISSUES"

1. Everyone around you has an attitude problem.
2. You're adding chocolate chips to your cheese omelette.
3. The dryer has shrunk every last pair of your jeans.
4. Your husband is suddenly agreeing to everything you say.
5. You're using your cellular phone to dial up every bumper sticker that says: "How's my driving-call 1- 800-".
6. Everyone's head looks like an invitation to batting practice.
7. Everyone seems to have just landed here from "outer space".
9. You're sure that everyone is scheming to drive you crazy.
10. The ibuprofen bottle is empty and you bought it yesterday..

TOP TEN THINGS ONLY WOMEN UNDERSTAND
10. Cats' facial expressions.
9. The need for the same style of shoes in different colours.
8. Why bean sprouts aren't just weeds.
7. Fat clothes.
6. Taking a car trip without trying to beat your best time.
5. The difference between beige, ecru, cream, off-white, and eggshell.
4. Cutting your hair to make it grow.
3. Eyelash curlers.
2. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.

AND, the Number One Number One thing only women understand :

1. OTHER WOMEN

--------------------------- 
Thursday Feb 4 2010

DEMOCRATIC 
You have two cows. 
Your neighbor has none. 
You feel guilty for being successful. 
Barbara Streisand sings for you. 

REPUBLICANISM 
You have two cows. 
Your neighbor has none. 
So? 

SOCIALIST 
You have two cows. 
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor. 
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow. 

COMMUNIST
You have two cows. 
The government seizes both and provides you with milk. 
You wait in line for hours to get it. 
It is expensive and sour. 

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE 
You have two cows. 
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows. 

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE 
You have two cows. 
Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain. 

AMERICAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one. 
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses. 
Your stock goes up. 

FRENCH CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You go on strike because you want three cows. 
You go to lunch and drink wine. 
Life is good. 

JAPANESE CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. 
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains. 
Most are at the top of their class at cow school. 

GERMAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You engineer them so they give excellent quality milk, drink lots of beer, and run a hundred miles an hour. 
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year. 

ITALIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows but you don't know where they are. 
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman. 
You break for lunch. 
Life is good. 

RUSSIAN CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
You have some vodka. 
You count them and learn you have five cows. 
You have some more vodka. 
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. 
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have. 

TALIBAN CORPORATION 
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two. 
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts. 
You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy weapons. 

IRAQI CORPORATION 
You have two cows. 
They go into hiding. 
They send radio tapes of their mooing. 

BELGIAN CORPORATION 
You have one cow. 
The cow is schizophrenic. 
Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's Flemish. 
The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow. 
The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk. 
The cow asks permission to be cut in half. 
The cow dies happy. 

FLORIDA CORPORATION 
You have a black cow and a brown cow. 
Everyone votes for the best looking one. 
Some of the people who actually like the brown one best accidentally vote for the black one. 
Some people vote for both. 
Some people vote for neither. 
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all. 
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which one you think is the best-looking cow. 

CALIFORNIA CORPORATION 
You have millions of cows. 
They make real California cheese. 
Only five speak English.. 
Most are illegals. 
Arnold likes the ones with the big udders. 

--------------------------- 
Wednesday Feb 3 2010

Drinks Show Your Personality

Before you order a drink in public, you should read this! 

Seven New York City bartenders were asked if they could nail a woman's personality based on what she drinks. Though interviewed separately, they concurred on almost all counts.

The results:

Drink: Beer 
Personality: Casual, low-maintenance; down to earth.
Your Approach: Challenge her to a game of pool.

Drink: Blender Drinks
Personality: Flaky, whiny, annoying; a pain in the ass.
Your Approach: Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabana boy.


Drink: Mixed Drinks
Personality: Older, more refined, high maintenance, has very picky taste; knows EXACTLY what she wants.
Your Approach: You won't have to approach her. If she's interested, she'll send YOU a drink..................


Drink: Wine (does not include White Zinfandel)
Personality: Conservative and classy; sophisticated yet giggles.
Your Approach: Tell her you love to travel and spend quiet evenings with friends.


Drink: White Zinfandel
Personality: Easy; thinks she is classy and sophisticated, actually, she has NO clue.
Your Approach: Make her feel smarter than she is...this should be an easy target.


Drink: Shots
Personality: Likes to hang with frat-boy pals and looking to get
totally drunk... and naked.
Your Approach: Easiest hit in the joint. You have been blessed. Nothing to do but wait, however, be careful not to make her mad!


Drink: Tequila
No explanations required - everyone just KNOWS what happens there.



THEN, there is the MALE addendum ---- 
The deal with guys is, as always, very simple and clear cut:


Domestic Beer: He's poor and wants to get laid. 


Imported Beer: He likes good beer and wants to get laid. 


Wine: He is hoping that the wine will give him a sophisticated image to help him get laid. 


Whiskey: He doesn't give a damn about anything but getting laid. 


Tequila: He is thinking he has a chance with the toothless waitress.


White Zinfandel: He's gay

--------------------------- 
Tuesday Feb 2 2010

The pilot was sitting in his seat and pulled out a .38 revolver. He placed it on top of the instrument panel, then asked the navigator, "Do you know what I use this for?"

The nav replied timidly, "No, what's it for?"

The pilot responded, "I use this on navigators who get me lost!"

The navigator proceeded to pull out a .45 and place it on his chart table.

The pilot asked, "What's that for?"

"To be honest sir," the nav replied, "I'll know we're lost before you will."

--------------------------- 
Monday Feb 1 2010