Subject: Re: Urgent - submission for April fools day - see attached note.
From: "Steve Bamford ARC" <[email-masked]>
To: "[email-masked]"
Date: Thu, 25 Mar 2004 13:46:52 -0800

Hi Ralf,
Thanks for sending in your April Fools Day article.  It looks very good.  I'll e-mail you when your article goes on ARC.

Steve Bamford
Aircraft Resource Center
http://www.aircraftresourcecenter.com
 
Live like there is no tomorrow;
Love like you've never been hurt.
Work like you don't need the money.
Dance like nobody's watching.
Sing like nobody's listening.
Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

  ----- Original Message ----- 
  From: Ralf Pätzold 
  To: [email-masked] 
  Sent: Thursday, March 25, 2004 2:39 AM
  Subject: Urgent - submission for April fools day - see attached note.

  Gallery Template Modified

  1/48 Tamiyogram 

  F-14 "Cheshire Cats"  

  No-viz paint scheme

  by Ralf Pätzold
  --------------------

        Steve Bamford will insert full sized version of photo Side.jpg here 

  Historical Background

  Flashback to 2010: The not-too-exciting "low-viz" paint schemes adopted by both the USAF and US Navy for their airplanes had shown itself to be effective in the recent wars against Iraq, Yugoslavia, Iraq, Iran, North Korea, Iraq, Canada, and the United Nations. Though popular with neither pilots (who preferred peppier liveries for their kit) nor modellers (who had grown bored of modelling increasingly exciting airplanes in the same old grey-in-grey tones), chances were that the "low-viz" paint scheme was here to stay until the end of the aircraft area (2032).

  Then, one day in 2011, a German modeller by the name of Adolf Prältz accidentally discovered that mixing three parts of Future, two parts of Tamiya clear, one part of Model Master Sealer for Metalizer, ten parts Vodka, and an unknown quantity of a substance which Mr. Prältz has been barred from disclosing by contractual obligations (see below) resulted in a coat with the most unusual of properties.

  The discovery had been accidental, starting out as an impromptu experiment in the field of synthetic mind-expanding stimulants, which in turn had been prompted by a high degree of frustration caused by inability to come to terms with the intricacies of a primitive vintage aircraft kit (the Academy 1/32 scale F-18 dating back to 2003).

  The experiment as intended proved entirely successful; however, the resulting loss of hand-eye coordination led to most of the liquid being carelessly distributed all over the workbench - with astonishing results: the offending kit had disappeared altogether, and so had the workbench.

  This, in itself, was nothing too unusual for a seasoned connoisseur of Star Trek reruns and David Lynch movies. What was unusual, though, was the fact that the aforementioned items remained invisible even after the effects of the stimulant had worn off. Way cool, man... 

  Initial attempts at exploiting the potential of this discovery were less than successful. The unsatisfactory outcome of an incident at the dormitory of a local girls school finally prompted Mr. Prältz to cash in on his invention in a more conventional manner. 

  He contacted a certain Steve B., a known CIA agent running a  modelling web site as a front end - not too clandestine an operation, though, as the name of the website was an anagram of "Turn for secret CIA career" (or, as some contend, "Career for secret CIA runt"). With Mr B. providing the contacts, a deal was quickly struck with the US Department of Defense (DoD), resulting in the most effective camouflage scheme in human history since the invention of lip gloss and rouge: the joint sercives' "no-viz" scheme.

  The stealthy invention also made its way into other areas of modern life. A bionic software company called Microbesoft licensed the technology to incorporate it into its popular word processing application for neurocomputers, expanding the WYSIWIG (What You See Is What You Get) principle of earlier programs by adding a feature that had been on users' wish lists for ages: NYSINYD (Now You See It, Now You Don't).

          
        Steve Bamford will insert full sized version of photo Front.jpg here 

  The Kit

  The model is based on the current 1/48 scale Tamiyogram rendition of a vintage Grumman F-14 "Tomcat" ($ 10.500 / ? 5.000 / RMB 250). It contains markings for the Squadron Leader's bird of VF-628 "Cheshire Cats". This may be seen as completely pointless as these markings will be completely invisible on the finished product (apart from 4 national insignia on the top, bottom, and left and right hand side); on the other hand, the "completely invisible" issue has always failed to convince in some quarters as squadrons of Accurate Miniatures B-25 kits with fully built-up (and superdetailed) interiors prove.

  No aftermarket goodies were used except for Manic Details "Late F-14 Cockpit" (MD-1349234, $ 3.500), Verblinden Follies' "Extended flip-flop Flap" set (VFFFF-14, $ 15.000), and Floppy Tires' "Floppy F-14 tires" product (FT-14V, $2.000). 

  This is the second edition of the kit which comes in classic gray testostyrene (the earlier version of the kit cast in invisible plastic had met with only a lukewarm reception from modellers, some of whom have spent ages trying to locate lost parts). Instructions are provided on the usual 3D holodisc.

  Construction

  As is fitting for a shake-and-bake type of kit, I assembled it by first shaking the whole thing a little, and then baking it in the Thermoform microwave oven after adding liberal amounts of "Mr. Sticky 10000".

  One thing I still don't like about this process is the fact that it leaves too much manual work for the builder. I wonder why they still haven't introduced a method which automatically disintegrates the leftover sprues.

          
        Steve Bamford will insert full sized version of photo Oven.jpg here 

  Painting

  The assembled model was placed in the Spray-o-Mat and first given a coat of gloss black acrylic which served as a base for various shades of Alclad XIV Metalizers to make individual panels stand out.

  Then, several thin coats of Tamiyogram XF-9001 "Invisible" were applied. This product does not use the original Prältz/DoD formula, but a less-than-perfect mixture which leaves some residual visibility as you can see in the enclosed pictures. 

  Rumour has it that the manufacturer of Alclad will soon be releasing a product called Alviz which is based on the original formula.

          
        Steve Bamford will insert full sized version of photo Flying.jpg here 

  Conclusion

  Shake-and-bake kits, Thermoform ovens and Spray-o-Mats have taken the tedium out of modelling. Today even lobotomised chimpanzees can (and will) produce contest-winning models, which is a good thing as it keeps them from molesting us while they take time off from running the government and the economy.

  Photos and text © 2004 by Ralf Pätzold